February 2012
23 posts
9 tags
I have these violent emotions that tear me apart and then just emptiness. And then I go back to normal and somewhat happy with just underlying hopelessness, but then night falls again and it starts over.
All I’ve ever wanted was the freedom to leave and I’m just stuck here tied to these people who I don’t want to care about me because then I could leave without a second thought. If I did anything irrational off of these emotions, they’d remember it forever. They’d remember me. I’d leave a scar on their memories. And there’s no way to make them forget. Most...
3 tags
It breaks my fucking heart that they care about me more than I care about myself.
I just want to leave this place without leaving a scar. I just want to be forgotten. I don’t want the emotions of other people tied to me. I want to be completely alone and independent. I don’t want to make anyone feel bad for me. I don’t want people to care for me. I just want to be ignored and...
Anonymous asked: You're last post was brilliant. I felt the same way when I was 16/17. I knew I was destined for something amazing and great... Then I stopped believing in myself and just went with the flow instead of fighting it to rise up... Now I'm a desk jockey @ a job I hate and in a town I want to escape... Don't fall or give up just yet. Stay brilliant and fight to rise. Do it for me and for...
7 tags
Why do I care so Goddamn much about tulips? Why do I care so Goddamn much about canals? Why do I care so Goddamn much about books? Why do I care so Goddamn much about my blog? Why do I care so Goddamn much about the way I look? Why do I care so Goddamn much about anything?
Really. I live such a meager existence it’s painful. I’m a teenager. I hate teenagers. Teenagers are the worst....
I’m trying to finish my little mini-story, but I’m drawing a blank.
The major plot point of the story involves a love letter.
And I can’t write the letter.
I’ve tried and tried. And I’ve tried to make it a poem. Or just something cute.
But I’m coming up with nothing.
I’m so bad a romantic things. I can write about the pursuit of romantic love, but...
I saw you with another girl today. Which isn’t really weird or anything. you were probably just friends. And I truly think that. But I found myself hoping that you liked her. I want you to love someone else so I can altogether accept that my feelings weren’t reciprocated. I want to just be able to think, “Okay. He likes her. He loves her. He doesn’t like me like that, and...
2 tags
I’m listening to Frank Sinatra and doing my homework about sonnets and romantic poetry. Why do I do this to myself. Fuck everything, man. Alsbakhsoshsjsgvvsjs
Man, I’ve been feeling like shit lately.
I just can’t get over the feeling that I do this all for nothing.
Not as in the nothingness of oblivion, but in the short-term nothingness sense.
I seriously cannot imagine my future because I don’t know what I’ll even do with myself.
I have so little motivation to do anything besides blogging. Honestly, I’m a sad human...
I was just walking down the hall at school today and I saw you. In the same place where I always see you because I pass by you at that place every day at the same time. But this time was different. This time you saw me. We made direct eye contact, and you looked so sad and I don’t know why. It could have been about me or something else. I don’t know. But all I know is that I wanted to...
5 tags
Anything having to do with academics or school makes me feel like shit. I’m just completely inadequate when it comes to being book smart. I’m really an intelligent person. I just can’t focus for the life of me. Also, it’s really hard to care about something so incessant and overbearing. I understand the importance of education and institutionalized learning, but I feel like...
4 tags
I don’t usually get a lot of acne at all, but whenever I do, my dad always likes to point it out. He always asks, “Have you been using your face wash?” or “Is it because of stress?”
No, dad. It’s because I can’t fucking control my face. Also, I’m a teenager. And it probably is because of stress, thanks to you.
My parents don’t usually get on...
7 tags
Whenever I see you, I need to stop running away. It’s really not because I don’t like you. God no. It’s because I’m a fucking coward and I like you so much that you make me nervous, and when I’m nervous, my impulse is to run away. This is why I never have relationships. I get so infatuated with the person that I like that I run away from them when they’re...
I’m just sitting here drinking my 5th cup of tea today and feeling sorry for myself because all of my friends are busy and I tried to make plans but now I’m just sitting here alone doing nothing but drinking tea and feeling sorry for myself.
4 tags
The Epitome of Public Enemy.: I am not looking for... →
weezfreak:
I am not looking for someone perfect. I want a love that’s childlike in its simplicity. I want someone I can respect, who respects me. I want someone who I can have deep, intelligent phone calls with at 4 in the morning. I want someone who’s willing to walk with me for miles for no particular reason. I want someone to sing Johnny Cash/June Carter duets with, even if we sing them...
3 tags
scrunchyblaine:
i’m so tired of being afraid and not being able to do anything about it
Are you trying to get me to notice you?
Because I keep seeing you around
And I don’t know if it’s just coincidence or if you’re actually trying to make something happen.
You’re making me question my own judgment.
Stop making me question my own judgment.
Unless you want to prove me wrong all the way.
Then just fucking go for it already.
I’m still not over you yet.
God dammit.
I had it so well-planned.
I was going to get over you and focus on me.
Then I saw you again and I was just like
adasdkagsh;fkdsjh
4 tags
4 tags
January 2012
83 posts
1 tag
oatmealraisinasians:
I just want to find someone with a nice music taste that likes me enough to kiss me on my face
6 tags
Sister: So I just read about this bill that might pass that would force all pregnant women wanting to get an abortion to get an ultrasound. That's really good!
Me: I know the idea sounds good, but it also sounds pretty economically bad.
Sister: But that means that they'll have to see what they're going to kill before they do.
Me: Yeah. I get that. But it's not right to make someone pay for something they don't want to pay for.
Sister: But babies are dying.
Me: Yeah, I get that. But it's still not right to force them to do something.
Sister: Are you saying it's okay to kill babies?
Me: No, I wouldn't do it myself, but who am I to take away someone's rights to their own body?
Sister: But it's not their body. It's a baby.
Me: Well... That's just how you see things.
Sister: But it has a soul and everything.
Me: Okay.
Sister: So you would kill something with a soul?
Me:
Sister: What? You would?
Me:
Sister: Well when you die and get to heaven what's God going to think?
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: Jesus fucking Christ when can I get out of this house?
There are all of these wonderful successful people in the world. Talented, genuinely good people.
And then there are the standard people who will live standard lives with standard families. Just average, but happy with average.
And then there are the sad people. The zombies. The people who just walk around and do whatever they can to keep walking around.
I know I’m not one of the...
My sister just asked me
“Why don’t you care about anything?”
Because its a hell of a lot easier. That’s why.
Taking away everything that makes me feel good about myself won’t make me focus on schoolwork. It will make me focus on all the things I hate about myself. Thanks for that, parents. Really. As if I wasn’t already feeling like shit.
I just wrote a whole text post and it was brilliant and poetic and smart and it sorted out all of my thoughts and then I accidentally exited the tab and now my work is gone and I am pissed. Seriously. I had 4 fairly lengthy paragraphs. That is so irritating.
This is your last day. If it doesn’t happen today, then it’s not happening at all. This is my last day of being hopeful that you’ll make a move. This is the last day that I’m going to let myself think that you’re interested. If nothing happens today, I will officially know that you’re not interested. This is the perfect day to make something happen, so if it...
I wish I could make beautiful things. I’m decent at art, but I’ve never been spectacular. I feel that if I just had the talent to get my ideas from my head to the paper, I would have something to be proud of. I mean, I’m decent at art. I love art. I’m one of those people that just gets it, you know? I can think of things that I want to draw. I can think of color schemes and...
If nothing happens in the next few days, I’m giving up on you. It’s now or never, I guess.
Of course all of my artistic inspiration comes past midnight. Whhhhyyyyyy
It’s amazing what some chocolate and a little Radiohead can do.
Everything is so real and difficult and I hate it and I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to be anywhere anymore.
4 tags
I’m tired of being in an awful place doing things that suck with people that I hate.
I run away from my problems.
Every one of them.
I know I should face my fears and confront my issues, but Id rather just dick around on the Internet and feel sorry for myself.
8 tags
I’ve never been completely and wholly happy. There has always been that part of me that has a major fault. Lack of friends. Trichotillomania. Being a letdown. Being a fuckup. Social anxiety.
There’s always something.
One day I just want to feel completely happy. To be able to take a deep breath and not find something to worry about.
I don’t know if I just suck at life or if everyone around me is just really successful. Probably the former, but you know, whatever.
6 tags
Sometimes I just want to go up to you and tell you exactly how I feel. I just want to tell you up front:
I think you’re great and I like you. I really like you and you fascinate me. I know this seems out of the blue, but I think we could happen. I know it’s a stretch, but I’m not afraid to take that risk. I don’t do this often. I don’t feel this way about any other guy. You just fascinate me.
I...
9 tags
Please. I’m in high school. I lead a very boring and insignificant life. At least let me do what makes me happy for the time being. I know I’m not going to amount to any greatness now, so just let me do what I want. I don’t even want much. I just want to read books and make art and watch good movies television and blog all about it.
Don’t make me become the type of person...
2 tags
I want to make sweet love to Jeff Mangum’s voice.
Not Jeff Mangum.
Just his voice.
2 tags
You know what?
Fuck you for being so attractive.
It’s not fair.
You’re making it hard for me to get over you when you do that.
Lets be pretentious together.
I just want to drink tea and listen to Neutral Milk Hotel with you any just talk about everything.